| If your wondering why I'm up this late, well to be honest, i don't even know myself. I couldn't sleep. I had awaken from my slumber and decided to type this entry. I thought about a lot of things that had happen to me throughout this year. Finally getting out of Academic Probation, getting caught up with everything in school, able to choose my major. I finally was able to go on from my challenges that were happening in school. I was really proud of myself. But am I happy? Well to be honest, no I'm not. A lot of things happened to me during this year. I really thought I wouldn't feel this way. But a lot has happened.
I'm single again, after a year of being with the girl I love, I was finally heartbroken before school had started for me for Spring quarter. To be honest, I am still hurt from this. I know what you are all thinking, why... well after really being with her for a year, its hard to let go of someone who has been there for you. I still mope about it and I know I am just being stupid about this. I know everyone is telling me that I have to move on. I found out she wanted to break up with me during the time my dad was already in the hospital.... the same month, I was mourning my mother's death.... 5 years.... So everything was already stressing me out. To add to it, I was crying inside. I just had this feeling that I was going to get hurt even more. I didn't expect this to happen. I just wish things didn't end the way it did. I mean we are still friends and still talk to each other. I just wish the break up never happened, but who am I to mess with fate. I have to let her do what she wants to do for now, even if it is an exchange for something that is important to me.
I finally moved out of the apartment in Davis. I made the decision to do this because I was tired and stressed out. The place had memories that I really did not want to remember. I'm in a house now with my own room. It gives me more time to think and at least the chance to not put headphones to listen to music at night. No more dealing with complains and messy apts and heated rooms.
There are some good things still. I'm catching up with some of my old friends that I haven't talked to in a while. I had a job as a babysitter after handling my internship at the school.
Right now I feel like this Xanga has been with me for so long. I may have deleted a lot of entries with this Xanga; but I know there were a lot more entries than I ever could expect. I've used this Xanga to vent, to talk about what has happen in my life. There are a lot of things that have been kept protected and private. But that was my choice. I know I had a lot of people read my xanga. But right now I think its time to finally retire this Xanga and start a new one from scracth.
To everyone: Thank you for reading my entries and giving me support throughout everything. I will come back to Xanga again but not under this name. I think Calv102 needs to rest now. For now if you need to look for me, I'll be on facebook or if you have my number then just call me.
"Walking the path of Heaven, the man who will rule over everything" - keep this in mind... if you believe you can conquer your fears, then go for it.
My last entry.... I say thank you... farewell for now...
Calvin Yee
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| i'm on a roller coaster....my emotions have been messing with me again... what do i do... i haven't felt this down in a long time....not since 03/03/03....i thought that i would never have to go through this roller coaster of emotions again.... i have fought so hard....now i have to continue to fight my emotions...my life...my heart... what is left of me.... what is happening to me... march - may are not my months at all... what did i do to deserve all of this?
*sigh*
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| well to update everyone... i'm single, but i'm okay with it...i'll be fine that and i'm finally accept to the major i really wanted to be in so thats a plus...and mite have a baby-sitting job for the summer if i do decide to take it. Who knows... life for now may have been rough but i'll be okay
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| i hope the decision we made was the rite one
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